Missing Child: Losing Enzo

I’m going to tell you a story about a father, or at least a guy that thinks he is a father. From what I hear, he is pretty excited about the prospect of fatherhood, and considers it an awesome responsibility. How he came to be a father is far from conventional, but that didn’t paralyze him, and he was looking forward to everything he could comprehend about how his life would change from the moment he looked into the eyes of his own son. For him it was a dream, and his dream turned into a nightmare when his son went missing before he could ever lay eyes on him.

To tell this father’s story, there is only one name he would want you to know, and that’s the name of his boy, Enzo. For over 8 months he prepared with the child’s mother, though there was no romantic relationship between them. On nearly a weekly basis during the prenatal months, the expecting parents spent hours planning how the child would be taken care of. When angered, the mother threatened to run away with the child. Sometimes she humored the idea of co-parenting, but was strongly against broken homes. Because the father refused romantic relationship with the mother, the mother often wanted to abort the child or give the child up for adoption, and favored those options above allowing the father to raise the child absent of her involvement, even when assured no child support would be requested. You see, the mother had a bad experience growing up in a broken home and wanted no such life for her unborn child. At the same time, she wrestled with the thought of abortion. She knew the father wanted Enzo, even if it meant raising him alone. The mother knew how the father was preparing for the child, but was very upset when the father was out of town on the day she went into labor. She had not forgiven her own father for not being present for her mother when she was born. She decided to give the baby up for adoption, saying “He should have been there”. The father was denied access to any information about the child due to HIPPA though some US states have laws that allow anyone to inquire about the identity of a parent leaving an infant child at the hospital, emergency medical services station, or fire station. This situation would have to go to court, and that’s when things really take a turn for the worse.

The effect of COVID 19 caused delays in securing a court date. When a court date was finally set, Enzo would have been 5 months old. The first day in court, the mother’s lawyer submitted a motion to dismiss the case, stating that the child was left at the hospital, so the father should be required to gather any information from the hospital directly, as the mother’s parental rights had been forfeited. The judge denied this motion and ordered the parents to sort out their grievances in mediation. When the mediation date arrived, the mother was uncooperative, exercising her right to remain silent. When Enzo would have been about 6 months old the parents met in court again, and the judge thought it was reasonable to require the mother to disclose the hospital of which she gave birth. The mother gave this information begrudgingly. The father and his lawyer, spent the next few weeks contacting the hospital and worked their way up the chain of command until they got someone to acknowledge and obey the court order over HIPPA and disclose data they had in their system regarding mothers who left their infant at any of the hospital’s locations. There was no match on the mother’s name or child’s name at the hospital that was given in court, for all the reported hospital’s locations in the tri-county area. By the next time, the parents would appear in court, Enzo would have been just about 8 months old, and the father would have to begin apologizing to friends who gifted clothing for the baby’s first few months of life at the intimate baby shower he organized for Enzo weeks before birth. When the inconclusive report from the hospital record search was given to the judge, the mother would be sworn under oath for the first time, and asked to provide sworn testimony under penalties of perjury regarding where she gave birth. The mother, representing herself, stated under oath, that she did not know where she gave birth, and after 8 months, had forgotten. The judge then gave the father and his legal team the ability to search the mother’s phone because the mother reported to be in possession of a photograph of baby Enzo at the hospital, on the day the child was born, which could have been used for geolocation purposes. A private investigator and the father’s lawyer examined the mother’s phone and photo files of the child to no avail. The mother appeared in court with new representation 2 months later, and under oath stated she was never pregnant and the whole thing was made up. The father contests this, but his legal team has lost interest in his case, as it has taken longer than expected and has yielded little money for them. With proper, diligent representation, the father could get the information he needs to find if the baby was adopted, or if something more sinister has taken place of which the mother is trying to cover up. He maintains that he was in the presence of the mother the entire duration of her pregnancy, and even helped her to make a “paper mache” mold of her stomach at 7 months. He has several ultrasounds the mother gave him during the prenatal months that he is forced to cross-reference with local hospitals and clinics, when he gets off from work, due to stagnating support from his legal team.

Men like Enzo’s father, are in need of reform in the area of father’s rights, as well as financial assistance while awaiting on the law to mature around the issues of father’s rights. As Florida Governor DeSantis approves millions towards Father’s rights, there are fathers in desperate need of competent legal assistance. Not only should more Governors initiate similar initiatives in their states, but providing grants to help fathers secure better legal assistance would help since so few laws give the father any inherent rights to a child without DNA testing. When a father has been proven to have done due diligence with respect to establishing paternity, such a grant would allow swift legal paternity actions to be filed to overturn unjust adoptions, and also provide justice in cases when the mother may have acted criminally against her unborn child. Florida happens to be a state that has such laws that allow fathers to inquire about the identity of a parent leaving a child at a hospital, however no hospital would place this state law above HIPPA, even when pressured by a lawyer. The legal teams of hospitals have to be involved which wastes more precious time as the trail for children like Enzo grows colder by the day.

Timeout for the World

Three stories. What do they have in common?

The team is showing fatigue, there’s 11 seconds left in the game, and our opponent is only down one point. We get a costly turnover as the ball is mishandled out of bounds. “Timeout!” said the coach. Before the ball is back in-play, we have to clear our heads of the mistakes made in the last possession, because we cannot change the past. We may have to substitute tired players with players on the bench that are energized and motivated to turn the tide in our favor. We certainly have to lock-in defensively and use all our collective energy to protect our point advantage and secure the victory. You can bet that was coach’s reasoning behind the timeout call. You can bet that’s the message in the team huddle. You don’t even have to be on the team.

The class is making cards to send to the men and women of the armed services. The teacher has succeeded in getting everyone excited about the joy their cards will give to the men and women who protect our freedoms. One student can’t contain themselves and is running about with scissors in hand. “Timeout!” said the teacher. Before anyone gets hurt, the child needs to sit alone and watch the other children behaving as instructed. The child knows the class rules, but just needs to practice a bit more self-control. A few minutes in timeout is all a, usually well behaved, student needs to make the behavior adjustment.

The people of the world are so divided. It’s “every man for himself”, and the means are always justifiable if the price is right. Pollution and poverty, in some places, has never been worse. Mention the word “pastor” or “priest” and thoughts of greed, corruption, and pedophilia come to mind. Worldwide, similar skepticism and lack of trust exists for the elected official and the media. As the children grow older, more self-sufficient, and secure more wealth, status and success, the family is reduced to a band of moochers and are excommunicated, replaced with friends and business partners. Mankind is consumed by our greed and obsession for more wealth, fame, and all that comes with it, to the point that we don’t care what comes with it, or what it takes to obtain it. Some overeat daily, living a lifestyle widely documented as unhealthy, with no interest in doing better, while others are a picture of good health engaging in nothing that puts themselves at a disadvantage, even if it means helping someone less fortunate. Selfishness comes in many forms, and how creative we are at personifying it. “Timeout!” said the creator.

As selfish as we tend to be, most people have good intentions. We spend our time and energy chasing after wealth and opportunity, because it is what we were taught to do, because we want better lives for our children, and because if we don’t, we believe we won’t survive. If we don’t save ourselves, we don’t believe there will be anyone to save us. We don’t believe anyone will care if we don’t come up with the money needed to pay our debts. We live as though we are in this world alone. The timeout of this pandemic has caused many to realize that we are not alone. Suddenly, we are forced to acknowledge our global struggle. Creditors, Insurers, and other Service Providers are making concessions as they attempt to ease the shared burden of their customers. Many have concluded that we need to be more concerned with the lives and activities of others, because their troubles of yesterday can be our troubles of tomorrow. Air pollution is down, and nature is responding to our inactivity. We have had to face our respective health conditions and the vulnerabilities associated with our poor health choices. As we contemplate our mortality, people are returning to their faith and family. We are remembering who we really are, and we are evaluating how far off track we’ve drifted. The wrong information or directive can lead to death, and truthful information has never seemed so important from the podiums of our highest offices and professions. Sheltering in-place, we are forced to trust the word of our governments and scientists. Humbly, we depend on our fellow man to do the right thing to “flatten the curve” and prevent outbreak.

When the game-plan isn’t being executed as practiced on the court or field, the coach calls timeout to make adjustments and get the team back on track to avoid losing the game. When a teacher or parent places a child in time out, they intend to calm the child and give the child time to evaluate their actions, their parent’s or teacher’s expectations, and how the two are not aligned. When unexpected circumstances in life cause you to stand still or prevent you from going about your life as you wish, sometimes, that’s God’s way of placing you in timeout. Whether it be loss of work, illness, near death experience, or death of someone you love. There are things that happen that give us pause. We begin to contemplate our mortality, our life’s purpose, our habits, our choices, and how it all ties together. If we’re honest, we don’t always pass our own self-evaluations. Our habits don’t always align with our goals or what we believe our purpose is, but should they?

America’s Grand Re-Opening

The states of America are not so united on how to handle the economic pressures of the COVID-19 pandemic. As states like New York, continue to plan, and states like Georgia, seemingly, throw caution to the wind, our nation appears as divided on how to deal with the Wuhan coronavirus issue as any issue that happens to fall on the cracks of political party lines. While many shout to the heavens, “this is a health crisis, not a political one”, some factors of the issue strike political nerves at their very roots. Republicans believe in shrinking government involvement in private matters, in preservation of freedom. Democrats have a more “save the people from themselves” approach to governing, because they know that the people look to the government to make decisive actions, or at least set the standards, on many issues that affect the masses, like healthcare. When you consider those perspectives, it becomes a lot clearer to understand that the confusion surrounding this issue, like any other political drama, is the cause of unwillingness to compromise.

The more right of center your viewpoints are, the more likely you are to believe that the government should stay out of the way and let people do what they feel is best for themselves and their families. The truth of the matter is, the quintessential “American Way” of governing should not involve country-wide mandates, telling people how to do what is best for themselves and their businesses. Frankly, telling the masses to stay home and forcing businesses to close their doors is very similar to what Obama called “crippling sanctions”, only these sanctions aren’t to prevent nuclear weapons from being created abroad, they’re sanctions on American businesses. The American businessman and woman who, like the rapper Roddy Ricch says, “got it out the mud”. These business owners do not want to sit around and watch their hard work go up in smoke. As a business owner, I would want the opportunity to conduct my business in the safest way possible, in effort to save what I’ve worked so hard to build. Owners of businesses, small or large, have a responsibility not just to their own families, but to the families of their employees and the people who demand their goods and services. Shouldn’t it be a business owner’s right to conduct their business, if they believe they can tweak their business practices to the safety standards set in place?

The more left of center your viewpoints are, the more likely you will believe that the masses cannot be trusted to do the right thing when it comes to health issues, because the average person isn’t a health expert. Daily, on the news and on social media, you can see the confusion of the masses. The death tolls are rising, and the loss of life is a cost that cannot be repaid. The virus is still so new that even the experts are changing their story on how to combat it. You don’t have to be an expert to know the country isn’t ready to go back to how it was at the new year. Many feel this time is a break that the planet needs to heal as carbon emissions are at record lows, and many companies are already changing their business practices to allow people to work from home. This could, very well, be a re-tooling moment for the American workforce. The nation could benefit greatly if more people took advantage of education and training resources, becoming more tech-savvy and computer literate. App downloads are way up as more people step outside their comfort zones to find new comforts. Online Shopping and video conferencing are just a few ways people are continuing old habits, in new ways, and it’s about time. It’s about time more companies offered work from home positions, it’s about time more companies invested in their network infrastructure and data security, it’s about time more people invested in themselves and their own talents through entrepreneurship, it’s about time for many changes that have come with being placed outside of our comfort zones. We all want this to come to a safe, peaceful end, right?

In conclusion, whether your viewpoints are right or left, we all can be right on this issue if we meet in the middle. We must all demand for competent direction from our leaders. Both Democrat and Republican citizens have been told their jobs are not essential, but no one disputes that taking care of your family is essential. Business owners shouldn’t be forced to close by the government, especially when the government has no means to cover the losses. That would be disenfranchisement of the American business owner. However, business owners who don’t want to close their doors need detailed guidelines that spell out, plainly, the acceptable standards for conducting business safely in this pandemic environment. If a business cannot meet the standard set in place, they can, at least, focus on a new business or make the necessary adjustments to become compliant. Without enforceable standards, businesses are free to do “due diligence” measures which may not maximize safety by minimizing the spread of infection. Without clear standards, the consumer cannot make educated decisions on whether they want to patronize a business. Now more than ever, we need leadership at the highest positions in our nation to be on the top of their game. The futures of all our children depends on it.

Housekeeping the Peace

Housekeeping the Peace

Fresh Idea to keep your peace during the pandemic.

“Home is where the heart is”, they say. People decorate their home according to what brings them peace. What brings us peace changes seasonally, and some people redecorate their homes each season. What brings us peace changes with the times, and older people can attest that they decorated their home quite differently now than back in the 70’s. It is perfectly normal for trends in interior decorating, architecture, and general home making to change for reasons such as this.

Home is a place of peace. The things we find there are the things that give us peace. Our families, our friends that come to visit, and our prized possessions are all wrapped up in our fondest memories, and many of those memories take place in the home. We decorate the common areas of our homes according to the people we entertain there, and the ways we entertain ourselves. We decorate our bedrooms based on what brings us the required Zen for good sleep. We decorate our home offices to limit distraction and provide the comfort to focus and work the required hours to get the job done. All these decorating ideas produce an outcome of which we can be at peace with.

When we could leave our homes and go anyplace we’d like, the home shared the burden of maintaining our complex peace of mind with the world around us. At the office, we found peace in how we setup our work area. At lunch time, we went to eat at our favorite restaurants, shared meals and conversations with our favorite coworkers, or made a quick pit stop to our favorite coffee shop. Frankly, the act of or some factor surrounding the things we do regularly give us peace of mind, and it can be very disruptive to one’s peace of mind to stop doing these things abruptly, as though placed on house arrest. You go through mental withdrawals. Your mind misses things, and so does your body. Some people are really struggling mentally, because they cannot go to the gym. Others really needed church on Sunday, and the atmosphere and people of the congregation gave them the peace of mind they needed to handle the stresses of their week.

For those of us creative enough to reorganize our homes to save money or who can financially afford to redecorate, we should do so for the sake of our mental health. Now that we’re home and cannot go out to places we love, do the activities we love, with the people we love, it is now time to rethink our home decor. To re-tool our homes for our peace during the pandemic. Because what brings us peace has changed hasn’t it?

Clutter adds a different type of stress, so the directive isn’t to just go out and buy a bunch of things to bring your favorite places from the outside to the inside, though that is an option. The point is, the role our homes play in our life is, for the moment, changed, so we must be creative in effort to bring the peace the outside world gives us into our homes. Basically, setting our homes up for success to, once again, be our place of peace. We don’t have to think so literally about this either, because sometimes it isn’t the place as much as it is the “vibe” of the place. We just have to take a real good look at how we lived our lives before this, to better understand what we’re missing about life before social distancing, and come up with a creative solution for what we miss the most about the outside world. If what we miss is eating lunch with coworkers, we should be setting up virtual lunch session so we can still chat or gossip with “the crew”. And for the record, every High School should be planning a virtual Prom Night, if they’re not already. This pandemic could start a host of new trends and become a cultural phenomenon of its own; a cultural phenomenon that we could use to unite us in a way that we never thought possible because we didn’t appreciate each other until we lost each other.