self-worth – Fresh Ideas

“Men have no inherent value. Women and children are valued simply for existing. This is why boyhood to manhood is an especially rough transition for males. Because they’re no longer loved simply for existing. Their worthiness must be proved, or they’re nothing. And no one cares.”

– Unknown

I read this on social media and wanted to respond to it because I fear it may be the reality for some, and I would want to give that person a different perspective. I’ll break this up into two parts.

Part 2: Inherent value based on assumed potential. That’s a thought!

In this part of my response, I want to highlight how society has a way of placing limits and expectations on us, which can imply our value within it. I’ll focus on perspectives of which I feel I can expound upon. I’ll write of the minority American male because there are some realities that people of color share. I’ll write a little about the American white male because quite a bit of their perspective is exposed to us through American culture. I’ll also write about the African American male because there are some realities that apply to African American men that are separate from other minorities.

As a minority in America, the more connected a man is to the culture and customs of his ancestors, the more inherently valuable he is. This connection gives him an understanding of what is naturally unique about himself. “The first record of people like me in history…what were they doing? Where did they live? How did they affect the world around them positively and negatively?” When you can answer these questions with information from recorded history of your people, you can be authentic just by following tradition. You can also place value on anything you consider advancement of the culture throughout history. To evolve, it behooves you to make the adjustments, when necessary, to move your culture forward. For example, if your culture eats a food with nearly every meal that is proven to lead to some form of heart disease, you may want to change the cultural practice of eating it with every meal. Eating less than culturally appropriate may be necessary when reasonably acknowledging studies on the matter. As established in Part 1, inherent value should be things we do naturally that aid in our existence. If something we do is proven to be of harm to us, the value of it should diminish. Every minority has their own culture. One way to better understand a different culture is to pay attention to things marketed to them as ads. There is a marketing strategy for the child, teen, young adult, and adult of every minority group you can think of. These strategies, at the very least, communicate what society expects you to be able to afford, what you are expected to be interested in, what you are expected to find fashionable, what you are expected to find attractive, and, ultimately, what you are expected to think. The television programming targeted to the minority group reinforces these expectations. Ultimately, a stereotype may accurately apply to you, but it is important to acknowledge when exceptions exist. Again, inherent value must be realized by the individual in their doing. It would be foolish to devalue the things that are stereotypically valuable about you, for the sake of breaking a stereotype.

As a white male in America, there are fewer social constructs standing in the way of your will for your own life. The white man in America, arguably, has more assumed potential than any other subgroup of people in the country. The world is your oyster here, and your inherent value is proclaimed in all the history books you will be assigned in school. You don’t need a week or a special month to acknowledge the contribution of your culture to American history, because you attribute the country’s very existence to men who look like you. No matter the occupation, it is not difficult to think of someone who looks like you or comes from a background similar to yours in any walk of American life. There are bridges built for you to cross over many rivers that some minority groups are still swimming across, despite the predators lurking. This isn’t to say white men do not overcome obstacles, of which those before them did not. It doesn’t mean that white men do not make history. However, when white men make history, they get recognition. Yet, some white men find it hard to understand why praise is given when minorities do things for the first time. It may be difficult to see others receive praise for making it across a river he walked over with ease, and he might find it hard to understand the “big deal”. The white man’s inherent value cannot always be placed on others in America because his assumed potential and the expectations on his life are different than non-whites. Likewise, his perspectives cannot always be applied to others. TV programming gives the white man no limits on who he can be. Considering the perspectives of others, in the spirit of love for your fellow man, is sometimes the only way to see past the film of privilege over your eyes. Maybe the hippies were on to something in the 60s and 70s, as it relates to love and respect for your fellow man. If this is something you or someone you know has struggle with, it may be useful to refer to that period of white American history for guidance and figure out a way to make it your own. Devaluing others does not increase your own value, and this is the lie of saying one human is more supreme than another. All the expectations can be paralyzing, and the disappointment from not living up to the expectations placed on you can make you feel worthless, but know you have value.

As an African American man, it may be particularly easy for you to see yourself as having little to no inherent value. Just know you would be believing a lie about yourself. For African American men, depending on where you come from, depending on who your parents are, depending on the neighborhood you grow up in, it is possible for very little to be expected of you. It can be very little value placed on your life beyond childhood. It is quite possible for the quote in question to be your reality, but you can do something about it. TV programming gives you excuses to underachieve. TV programming can mislead you to think you are limited to only specific avenues to success. The narratives you’re given about people like you can make you feel like less than a man. There are degrading words like thug, gang member, boy, or criminal that might be used to describe you. Don’t allow those titles to put film over your eyes and prevent you from seeing that you are a MAN. You don’t have to be “in the streets” to be a strong man. You don’t have to have a criminal past in your success story, and you don’t have to be ashamed if a criminal past is in your success story. By understanding that you are, in fact, a MAN, you can look at the history of MEN, and aspire after anything your heart desires. The world is also your oyster. Maybe, there isn’t an example to follow that fits you perfectly, but the victory will be much sweeter if you reach the heights of your aspirations. If you fall short, transform your motivations into a lesson plan, and coach someone else to surpassing your mark. If your offspring do not want to follow your example, find someone else who will. Start a social media page. Tell your testimony. Speak of your value. Be proud of your accomplishments and give credit to your foundation, your childhood, and your ancestry, no matter how much or how little you know of your genealogy. Honor your mother and father by giving them credit for any and everything they did to start you off with inherent value greater than absolute zero, even if the world says you started from the bottom.

When you consider the expectations and assumed potential of individuals throughout their lives, it should be clear to see that there are rough transitions into adulthood for both men and women. Whether this transition is especially hard for males in comparison to females, is debatable. I never commented on the “nobody cares” bit, because for most people, it just isn’t an accurate statement. However to humor it, I’m reminded of Ahmaud Aubery. When he was killed, his family cared. A man was dead for months without an arrest, because not enough people cared. If it were not for the care of his family, his story of injustice may have been forgotten, and along with it, the value of the life that was taken. Our value is tied into our family, into our history. Equally, our value, as men, is tied into the history of all men. You are, potentially, just as valuable as the most valuable man that came before you. Our history started well before we ever arrived. We must tap into our inherent value by knowing ourselves, knowing where we come from, using the short cuts that are the successes of our predecessors, and learning from their mistakes. Is this not what is expected of us?

– Unknown Author

Part 1: Value for existing

I want to deconstruct the notion of value by existence, and try to establish a different way of looking at the inherent value of a person, if you want to put inherent value on someone, which is debatable in itself.

Inherent value is value by merely existing. We could argue that all life and all that exist have a part to play, and therefore have value. Circle of life aside, existence, in itself, is optional. Therefore, from the perspective of humanity, I believe inherent value is where the things you do naturally intersect with your existence. To describe your inherent value, for me, would require an analysis of what you do naturally and how those things aid in your existence. In my opinion, all people have inherent value. I, however, believe inherent value can be realized, surpassed, or it will depreciate. Inherent value depreciates when you lose the ability to do something that aids in your existence. It’s like having raw data, without the ability to make useful information of it. It’s not valuable in its raw state.

Children add to the family count and are expected to bring couples together in a united effort of parenthood. This aids in the child’s own existence because the mother and father are stronger together. There is however no guarantee parents will stay together. There is no guarantee the child will be adequately cared for. There is no guarantee the child will live and there is no guarantee the child will be valued, though every child certainly has value. I believe children are not valued by merely existing because they are expected to constantly eat, learn, and grow for the sake of their existence. Of course, they have no problems doing what comes naturally to them. However, if for some reason a baby could not do something expected or had a disability, we have a way of lessening their inherent value in our own minds. As we grow older, we are expected to be more self-governing, and this self-governance comes with even more expectations, starting from a very young age. As we mature, there is a growing expectation that we will learn to do things beyond what we are naturally inclined to do, in exercise of our free will. A child that is failing to meet early childhood development benchmarks, arguably, loses value because less is expected of them. Society lessens their potential, and they must choose to surpass what is expected, sometimes very early in life. To me, doing something other than the norm is unnatural. In response to the author’s statement “worthiness must be proved”, doing things that don’t come natural to you is what I would consider to be proving your worth and going beyond your inherent value. This is also expected of children, not only men.

Like the child, a woman’s value is not from merely existing. Any inherent value related to childbearing is connected to the man. Any true obligation to value and protect the woman for merely existing, in theory, died with women’s equality. Based on this theory, any value we would like to give a woman for mere existence is in opposition of her own will for her life. The social norms and chivalry of today are completely optional behaviors, and there are plenty examples of men who do not subscribe to these ways of thinking, as well as examples of women who decline the gesture. Women have very high expectations on their lives, but in the end, it is their choice to create value for themselves beyond the realm of expectations. If standing on a mountain, are your feet not on the ground, regardless of your elevation? If the floor of your assumed inherent value is lower than someone else’s, it doesn’t mean you have no value, and if a person never rises beyond the floor of their inherent value, what has their existence added to the world? Men should not look at a woman’s inherent value and say we have none in comparison.

A man has inherent value when viewed through the lives of his predecessors. It is this viewpoint, that governs the assumed potential of a boy, as he matures into a man. His value shapes what his parents expect of him and what the world around him expects of him. If he comes from a family plagued with crime and dysfunction, he is expected not to fall too far from the tree from which he has grown. If a father is considered a great man, the value of the father is often placed on his sons. I’ve heard a Christian or two refer to themselves as “a child of God” or “kingdom kids”. In this sense, the Christian would be finding inherent value in their being, based on the God they believe created them. Being careful not to limit the arena of the predecessor, other men that look like us or come from where we come from also give us some inherent value, however stereotypical that might be. This may explain why the media has such a vested interest in shaping the reputation of groups of people. While preserving a stereotype through media coverage can be categorized as culture acknowledgment, culture preservation, historical reference, or statistical analysis, it sometimes has a way of reminding people of “their place” and can potentially harm the growth and evolution of a group of people. If you don’t understand or don’t agree, I won’t explain much further, but I will ask you to consider the aforementioned as you ask yourself why it’s usually a big deal when there is a “First Black [INSERT ANYTHING HERE]”. It is a big deal when someone of color does something no one who looks like them has done in American history. It’s a milestone for the culture and an example of how to make it out of the places they come from to get to a place no one like them has ever been. If you follow their footsteps you may get close, you may reach the level of your predecessor, yet you may surpass them. The fact that nobody like you has ever done something can either be a motivating factor or a discouraging one, but both perspectives are valid.

I realize what I am writing is contrary to the notion that men have no inherent value. However, it is not my intent to persuade you to think having no value cannot be the mentality for some people. On the contrary, I believe this is the reality of some men because they have reason to believe it, but it is not their truth. Exposing them to a different narrative, gives them a choice to continue to believe a lie, or to live by a different truth. It is a more positive perspective on reality. If they choose to consider the people who came before them, consider their childhood, the principles taught to them from a young age, acknowledge the obstacles they overcame because someone told them about the obstacle, and highlight the obstacles they overcame through perseverance. If they consider all this, they will surely stumble upon the measure of the man they are. You realize your inherent value as a man in your doing, no different than children or women. Making use of scientific principles, a child’s value is both potential energy, and kinetic. A woman’s value is both potential energy and kinetic. It is the same for a man. What would we say of the value of a woman who can physically have no children or chooses not to? Surely, she still has value. Value is only realized when potential energy becomes kinetic. Potential energy becomes kinetic when you decide that you will do something valuable. What you will do is up to you. The less you do, the more you depreciate your own value. The disappointment tied to your inaction is like heat energy burning off a man who isn’t living up to his potential, and not realizing his inherent value. Because energy is never lost or destroyed.

Tag: self-worth

Men Have No Inherent Value – Part 2

Men Have No Inherent Value – Part 1