Missing Child: Losing Enzo

I’m going to tell you a story about a father, or at least a guy that thinks he is a father. From what I hear, he is pretty excited about the prospect of fatherhood, and considers it an awesome responsibility. How he came to be a father is far from conventional, but that didn’t paralyze him, and he was looking forward to everything he could comprehend about how his life would change from the moment he looked into the eyes of his own son. For him it was a dream, and his dream turned into a nightmare when his son went missing before he could ever lay eyes on him.

To tell this father’s story, there is only one name he would want you to know, and that’s the name of his boy, Enzo. For over 8 months he prepared with the child’s mother, though there was no romantic relationship between them. On nearly a weekly basis during the prenatal months, the expecting parents spent hours planning how the child would be taken care of. When angered, the mother threatened to run away with the child. Sometimes she humored the idea of co-parenting, but was strongly against broken homes. Because the father refused romantic relationship with the mother, the mother often wanted to abort the child or give the child up for adoption, and favored those options above allowing the father to raise the child absent of her involvement, even when assured no child support would be requested. You see, the mother had a bad experience growing up in a broken home and wanted no such life for her unborn child. At the same time, she wrestled with the thought of abortion. She knew the father wanted Enzo, even if it meant raising him alone. The mother knew how the father was preparing for the child, but was very upset when the father was out of town on the day she went into labor. She had not forgiven her own father for not being present for her mother when she was born. She decided to give the baby up for adoption, saying “He should have been there”. The father was denied access to any information about the child due to HIPPA though some US states have laws that allow anyone to inquire about the identity of a parent leaving an infant child at the hospital, emergency medical services station, or fire station. This situation would have to go to court, and that’s when things really take a turn for the worse.

The effect of COVID 19 caused delays in securing a court date. When a court date was finally set, Enzo would have been 5 months old. The first day in court, the mother’s lawyer submitted a motion to dismiss the case, stating that the child was left at the hospital, so the father should be required to gather any information from the hospital directly, as the mother’s parental rights had been forfeited. The judge denied this motion and ordered the parents to sort out their grievances in mediation. When the mediation date arrived, the mother was uncooperative, exercising her right to remain silent. When Enzo would have been about 6 months old the parents met in court again, and the judge thought it was reasonable to require the mother to disclose the hospital of which she gave birth. The mother gave this information begrudgingly. The father and his lawyer, spent the next few weeks contacting the hospital and worked their way up the chain of command until they got someone to acknowledge and obey the court order over HIPPA and disclose data they had in their system regarding mothers who left their infant at any of the hospital’s locations. There was no match on the mother’s name or child’s name at the hospital that was given in court, for all the reported hospital’s locations in the tri-county area. By the next time, the parents would appear in court, Enzo would have been just about 8 months old, and the father would have to begin apologizing to friends who gifted clothing for the baby’s first few months of life at the intimate baby shower he organized for Enzo weeks before birth. When the inconclusive report from the hospital record search was given to the judge, the mother would be sworn under oath for the first time, and asked to provide sworn testimony under penalties of perjury regarding where she gave birth. The mother, representing herself, stated under oath, that she did not know where she gave birth, and after 8 months, had forgotten. The judge then gave the father and his legal team the ability to search the mother’s phone because the mother reported to be in possession of a photograph of baby Enzo at the hospital, on the day the child was born, which could have been used for geolocation purposes. A private investigator and the father’s lawyer examined the mother’s phone and photo files of the child to no avail. The mother appeared in court with new representation 2 months later, and under oath stated she was never pregnant and the whole thing was made up. The father contests this, but his legal team has lost interest in his case, as it has taken longer than expected and has yielded little money for them. With proper, diligent representation, the father could get the information he needs to find if the baby was adopted, or if something more sinister has taken place of which the mother is trying to cover up. He maintains that he was in the presence of the mother the entire duration of her pregnancy, and even helped her to make a “paper mache” mold of her stomach at 7 months. He has several ultrasounds the mother gave him during the prenatal months that he is forced to cross-reference with local hospitals and clinics, when he gets off from work, due to stagnating support from his legal team.

Men like Enzo’s father, are in need of reform in the area of father’s rights, as well as financial assistance while awaiting on the law to mature around the issues of father’s rights. As Florida Governor DeSantis approves millions towards Father’s rights, there are fathers in desperate need of competent legal assistance. Not only should more Governors initiate similar initiatives in their states, but providing grants to help fathers secure better legal assistance would help since so few laws give the father any inherent rights to a child without DNA testing. When a father has been proven to have done due diligence with respect to establishing paternity, such a grant would allow swift legal paternity actions to be filed to overturn unjust adoptions, and also provide justice in cases when the mother may have acted criminally against her unborn child. Florida happens to be a state that has such laws that allow fathers to inquire about the identity of a parent leaving a child at a hospital, however no hospital would place this state law above HIPPA, even when pressured by a lawyer. The legal teams of hospitals have to be involved which wastes more precious time as the trail for children like Enzo grows colder by the day.

Timeout for the World

Three stories. What do they have in common?

The team is showing fatigue, there’s 11 seconds left in the game, and our opponent is only down one point. We get a costly turnover as the ball is mishandled out of bounds. “Timeout!” said the coach. Before the ball is back in-play, we have to clear our heads of the mistakes made in the last possession, because we cannot change the past. We may have to substitute tired players with players on the bench that are energized and motivated to turn the tide in our favor. We certainly have to lock-in defensively and use all our collective energy to protect our point advantage and secure the victory. You can bet that was coach’s reasoning behind the timeout call. You can bet that’s the message in the team huddle. You don’t even have to be on the team.

The class is making cards to send to the men and women of the armed services. The teacher has succeeded in getting everyone excited about the joy their cards will give to the men and women who protect our freedoms. One student can’t contain themselves and is running about with scissors in hand. “Timeout!” said the teacher. Before anyone gets hurt, the child needs to sit alone and watch the other children behaving as instructed. The child knows the class rules, but just needs to practice a bit more self-control. A few minutes in timeout is all a, usually well behaved, student needs to make the behavior adjustment.

The people of the world are so divided. It’s “every man for himself”, and the means are always justifiable if the price is right. Pollution and poverty, in some places, has never been worse. Mention the word “pastor” or “priest” and thoughts of greed, corruption, and pedophilia come to mind. Worldwide, similar skepticism and lack of trust exists for the elected official and the media. As the children grow older, more self-sufficient, and secure more wealth, status and success, the family is reduced to a band of moochers and are excommunicated, replaced with friends and business partners. Mankind is consumed by our greed and obsession for more wealth, fame, and all that comes with it, to the point that we don’t care what comes with it, or what it takes to obtain it. Some overeat daily, living a lifestyle widely documented as unhealthy, with no interest in doing better, while others are a picture of good health engaging in nothing that puts themselves at a disadvantage, even if it means helping someone less fortunate. Selfishness comes in many forms, and how creative we are at personifying it. “Timeout!” said the creator.

As selfish as we tend to be, most people have good intentions. We spend our time and energy chasing after wealth and opportunity, because it is what we were taught to do, because we want better lives for our children, and because if we don’t, we believe we won’t survive. If we don’t save ourselves, we don’t believe there will be anyone to save us. We don’t believe anyone will care if we don’t come up with the money needed to pay our debts. We live as though we are in this world alone. The timeout of this pandemic has caused many to realize that we are not alone. Suddenly, we are forced to acknowledge our global struggle. Creditors, Insurers, and other Service Providers are making concessions as they attempt to ease the shared burden of their customers. Many have concluded that we need to be more concerned with the lives and activities of others, because their troubles of yesterday can be our troubles of tomorrow. Air pollution is down, and nature is responding to our inactivity. We have had to face our respective health conditions and the vulnerabilities associated with our poor health choices. As we contemplate our mortality, people are returning to their faith and family. We are remembering who we really are, and we are evaluating how far off track we’ve drifted. The wrong information or directive can lead to death, and truthful information has never seemed so important from the podiums of our highest offices and professions. Sheltering in-place, we are forced to trust the word of our governments and scientists. Humbly, we depend on our fellow man to do the right thing to “flatten the curve” and prevent outbreak.

When the game-plan isn’t being executed as practiced on the court or field, the coach calls timeout to make adjustments and get the team back on track to avoid losing the game. When a teacher or parent places a child in time out, they intend to calm the child and give the child time to evaluate their actions, their parent’s or teacher’s expectations, and how the two are not aligned. When unexpected circumstances in life cause you to stand still or prevent you from going about your life as you wish, sometimes, that’s God’s way of placing you in timeout. Whether it be loss of work, illness, near death experience, or death of someone you love. There are things that happen that give us pause. We begin to contemplate our mortality, our life’s purpose, our habits, our choices, and how it all ties together. If we’re honest, we don’t always pass our own self-evaluations. Our habits don’t always align with our goals or what we believe our purpose is, but should they?

The Wasteful Male Consumer

Musical Vibe: Jay-Z – The Story of O.J.
Spirit: Remy Martin 1738

Guys and their hobbies…SMH
It makes us tick, it is the topic of our conversation. We have to be enthusiasts, aficionados regarding the things we say we care about. This often comes at a price. I don’t have to quote Fortune Magazine or dig up any specific statistic to tell you that men spend an awful lot of money on their hobbies each year. Take your pick, and you’ll see the same trend. Whether it’s video games and accessories, watches, pens, cigars, scotch, wine, automobiles, or the countless gadgets marketed to men, we are big spenders for the things we like.

Maybe we want to bond on shared interests with our crew, maybe we want to impress the ladies, maybe it’s a combination of the two. No matter our motivations for the things we buy, shouldn’t we always strive to be more efficient aficionados? Did the late Tony Stark not teach us that a major part of improvement is eliminating waste, before his untimely demise? That’s right! In the first Iron Man movie, the first metal suit started off as a junkyard-style scrap project for the survival of self. By the last Infinity War, the Iron Man suit was improved to an elegant, life sustaining, masterpiece of technology for the survival of the UNIVERSE! And it wasted less energy.

I digress. As men, we should be mindful of when we’re being taken advantage of as consumers, and avoid being wasteful. Today, I saw a device that retails for $18, advertised to men as a beard filler. This beard pencil could easily be replaced by a $2-5 eyebrow pencil from the drugstore and yield the same results. We’ll pay the 20 bucks because it’s “For Men”, and that isn’t being a wise consumer, it’s being wasteful. The same goes for many other products advertised to men for their beards. Pretty much any product that is good for the hair on top of your head, is good for your beard, but we spend crazy amounts on beard oils, balms, and other treatments, to achieve the same results, when these products often come at more expensive prices and with much less volume per unit than the products advertised for our head-hair.

Part of being an enthusiast, is being savvy. Ask any “car guy” you know, and he’ll tell you. Beyond the benefit of money saved on labor when doing maintenance to your car yourself, it’s harder to be taken advantage of in the case that you actually need to take your car into the shop for repairs if you “know your stuff”. Let’s stop being chumps for marketers, and start being savvy consumers. The prices and quality of the “For Him” product will reflect our wise decisions, and companies will have to work harder for our hard-earned dollar.

Cheers Mates!