Missing Child: Losing Enzo

I’m going to tell you a story about a father, or at least a guy that thinks he is a father. From what I hear, he is pretty excited about the prospect of fatherhood, and considers it an awesome responsibility. How he came to be a father is far from conventional, but that didn’t paralyze him, and he was looking forward to everything he could comprehend about how his life would change from the moment he looked into the eyes of his own son. For him it was a dream, and his dream turned into a nightmare when his son went missing before he could ever lay eyes on him.

To tell this father’s story, there is only one name he would want you to know, and that’s the name of his boy, Enzo. For over 8 months he prepared with the child’s mother, though there was no romantic relationship between them. On nearly a weekly basis during the prenatal months, the expecting parents spent hours planning how the child would be taken care of. When angered, the mother threatened to run away with the child. Sometimes she humored the idea of co-parenting, but was strongly against broken homes. Because the father refused romantic relationship with the mother, the mother often wanted to abort the child or give the child up for adoption, and favored those options above allowing the father to raise the child absent of her involvement, even when assured no child support would be requested. You see, the mother had a bad experience growing up in a broken home and wanted no such life for her unborn child. At the same time, she wrestled with the thought of abortion. She knew the father wanted Enzo, even if it meant raising him alone. The mother knew how the father was preparing for the child, but was very upset when the father was out of town on the day she went into labor. She had not forgiven her own father for not being present for her mother when she was born. She decided to give the baby up for adoption, saying “He should have been there”. The father was denied access to any information about the child due to HIPPA though some US states have laws that allow anyone to inquire about the identity of a parent leaving an infant child at the hospital, emergency medical services station, or fire station. This situation would have to go to court, and that’s when things really take a turn for the worse.

The effect of COVID 19 caused delays in securing a court date. When a court date was finally set, Enzo would have been 5 months old. The first day in court, the mother’s lawyer submitted a motion to dismiss the case, stating that the child was left at the hospital, so the father should be required to gather any information from the hospital directly, as the mother’s parental rights had been forfeited. The judge denied this motion and ordered the parents to sort out their grievances in mediation. When the mediation date arrived, the mother was uncooperative, exercising her right to remain silent. When Enzo would have been about 6 months old the parents met in court again, and the judge thought it was reasonable to require the mother to disclose the hospital of which she gave birth. The mother gave this information begrudgingly. The father and his lawyer, spent the next few weeks contacting the hospital and worked their way up the chain of command until they got someone to acknowledge and obey the court order over HIPPA and disclose data they had in their system regarding mothers who left their infant at any of the hospital’s locations. There was no match on the mother’s name or child’s name at the hospital that was given in court, for all the reported hospital’s locations in the tri-county area. By the next time, the parents would appear in court, Enzo would have been just about 8 months old, and the father would have to begin apologizing to friends who gifted clothing for the baby’s first few months of life at the intimate baby shower he organized for Enzo weeks before birth. When the inconclusive report from the hospital record search was given to the judge, the mother would be sworn under oath for the first time, and asked to provide sworn testimony under penalties of perjury regarding where she gave birth. The mother, representing herself, stated under oath, that she did not know where she gave birth, and after 8 months, had forgotten. The judge then gave the father and his legal team the ability to search the mother’s phone because the mother reported to be in possession of a photograph of baby Enzo at the hospital, on the day the child was born, which could have been used for geolocation purposes. A private investigator and the father’s lawyer examined the mother’s phone and photo files of the child to no avail. The mother appeared in court with new representation 2 months later, and under oath stated she was never pregnant and the whole thing was made up. The father contests this, but his legal team has lost interest in his case, as it has taken longer than expected and has yielded little money for them. With proper, diligent representation, the father could get the information he needs to find if the baby was adopted, or if something more sinister has taken place of which the mother is trying to cover up. He maintains that he was in the presence of the mother the entire duration of her pregnancy, and even helped her to make a “paper mache” mold of her stomach at 7 months. He has several ultrasounds the mother gave him during the prenatal months that he is forced to cross-reference with local hospitals and clinics, when he gets off from work, due to stagnating support from his legal team.

Men like Enzo’s father, are in need of reform in the area of father’s rights, as well as financial assistance while awaiting on the law to mature around the issues of father’s rights. As Florida Governor DeSantis approves millions towards Father’s rights, there are fathers in desperate need of competent legal assistance. Not only should more Governors initiate similar initiatives in their states, but providing grants to help fathers secure better legal assistance would help since so few laws give the father any inherent rights to a child without DNA testing. When a father has been proven to have done due diligence with respect to establishing paternity, such a grant would allow swift legal paternity actions to be filed to overturn unjust adoptions, and also provide justice in cases when the mother may have acted criminally against her unborn child. Florida happens to be a state that has such laws that allow fathers to inquire about the identity of a parent leaving a child at a hospital, however no hospital would place this state law above HIPPA, even when pressured by a lawyer. The legal teams of hospitals have to be involved which wastes more precious time as the trail for children like Enzo grows colder by the day.

Positively Polarizing Times

The unjustified murder of George Floyd, the protests, and the riots combined with the already stressed economy, unemployment numbers, and unconquered COVID-19 pandemic has had a way of dividing the country in unprecedented fashion. Not only are we being divided into many subgroups based on our opinions on the issues of the day, but we are being much more open about it. The initial public response to the COVID-19 pandemic, with all of its Tik-Toks and social media challenges, has created a phenomenon where more people than ever before have become comfortable being themselves online and have begun welcoming the world into the more intimate parts of their personal life through social media. Americans are sharing images and videos of their children, pets, living rooms, eating habits, and love lives. Likewise, our followers and who we follow has increased and diversified, as more of the population has adopted use of social media platforms. In this time of controversy, Americans, in their newfound comfort for web broadcasted self-expression, are sharing their more intimate opinions and philosophies regarding the polarizing issues of the day. One’s political views has never been so public as it is today.

While the present times are exposing how we are different, they are also showing us how alike we are. The country’s use of the internet and social media has left us with very few barriers to information and very little censorship of ourselves with regard to our opinions, which is exposing how we share similar viewpoints on issues with demographics of people we’ve never associated ourselves with previously. Even in the context of our differences, we’re seeking an understanding of exactly why we have the differences we have with renewed enthusiasm. The time in quarantine has given us unprecedented exposure and acceptance of groups of whom we’ve never previously given our attention to. The people we’ve found refreshingly entertaining and inspiring during the early pandemic times, are now sharing their opinions with us on things like criminal justice reform and giving us unique angles on complex issues. All this opinion sharing is publicly dividing us into much more complex and uniquely diverse subgroups.

If you’ve been paying attention, you should have noticed how there isn’t only two groups or two opinions about the issues plaguing our society these days. There isn’t one unified Republican or Democratic opinion, neither is there one unified white or black opinion. Instead, we are able to see, now better than ever, how misaligned our stereotypes and biases are with reality. There are violent and peaceful people of all races and backgrounds. There are black people who refuse to protest for black issues, while there are white people who willfully stand against injustice in spite of their own personal risks. There are black people who refuse to be violent or loot businesses, and there are white people who are showing up to the scene for the sole purpose of looting. There are unique struggles for the small business owner that are blind to race, and the same for the struggles of the uneducated non-essential worker. For all the different ways a person can choose to identify themselves, there are those who are fine with how their life is working out, and there are those who are demanding change. If we wish, we can continue to focus on what divides us, but it is growing increasingly difficult to remain ignorantly affixed on race-based stereotypes and historical lies. History is repeating itself in a way, that won’t allow us to be passively ignorant because the truth is too frequently flashing across the screens of our timelines. Many are googling historical accounts of abuses of power in America and relearning the lessons fed to them in history classes.

Through research and understanding, we should take the time necessary to break down the mental barriers we’ve placed on people who don’t look like us, believe what we believe, or share our sexual preferences. If we adopt a new understanding and stop categorizing ourselves in all these outdated subgroups, we can have more honest conversations and treat each other as humans, and nothing more or less. This could potentially be a powerful lesson for our collective social consciousness, where “the majority” isn’t viewed as the white majority, but as the voting majority. The voting majority desires to live in peace, with all the rights and privileges the constitution affords the citizen of the United States of America. The voting majority could demand the government to make changes that benefit all people in the country and stop those in position of power from violating the rights of anyone.

This is a pivotal time where we should better understand the quote “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”, seeing first-hand how the issues that plagues me today can affect you tomorrow. This was illustrated in the supposed mismanagement of COVID-19 by the Chinese government which has resulted in global outbreak and an investigation into China’s actions by other allied nations. This is also illustrated in massive protest and outrage of the American public that is currently aimed at the criminal justice system of our country but has had collateral damage in the form of curfews and property damage that has affected people who never saw it coming. In the midst of division, there are Americans standing together today, that may have never stood next to each other if it were not for the combination of monumental events occurring back-to-back. It is clearer today than ever before, that our differences, as humans, are much less than our differences of opinions. It is clearer than ever before, that our socioeconomic status and education levels govern our choices much more than the color of our skin. As people organize and protest together, new and diverse networks are being formed and I predict this year’s voter turnout and voting results will be unlike anything of the past. The ability to construct a platform that reflects the sentiments of the voting majority, using all the statistical data made available in the last 6 months of social media activity, and the conclusion or lack of conclusion of the issues we currently face is going to make for an interesting election in November.

Housekeeping the Peace

Housekeeping the Peace

Fresh Idea to keep your peace during the pandemic.

“Home is where the heart is”, they say. People decorate their home according to what brings them peace. What brings us peace changes seasonally, and some people redecorate their homes each season. What brings us peace changes with the times, and older people can attest that they decorated their home quite differently now than back in the 70’s. It is perfectly normal for trends in interior decorating, architecture, and general home making to change for reasons such as this.

Home is a place of peace. The things we find there are the things that give us peace. Our families, our friends that come to visit, and our prized possessions are all wrapped up in our fondest memories, and many of those memories take place in the home. We decorate the common areas of our homes according to the people we entertain there, and the ways we entertain ourselves. We decorate our bedrooms based on what brings us the required Zen for good sleep. We decorate our home offices to limit distraction and provide the comfort to focus and work the required hours to get the job done. All these decorating ideas produce an outcome of which we can be at peace with.

When we could leave our homes and go anyplace we’d like, the home shared the burden of maintaining our complex peace of mind with the world around us. At the office, we found peace in how we setup our work area. At lunch time, we went to eat at our favorite restaurants, shared meals and conversations with our favorite coworkers, or made a quick pit stop to our favorite coffee shop. Frankly, the act of or some factor surrounding the things we do regularly give us peace of mind, and it can be very disruptive to one’s peace of mind to stop doing these things abruptly, as though placed on house arrest. You go through mental withdrawals. Your mind misses things, and so does your body. Some people are really struggling mentally, because they cannot go to the gym. Others really needed church on Sunday, and the atmosphere and people of the congregation gave them the peace of mind they needed to handle the stresses of their week.

For those of us creative enough to reorganize our homes to save money or who can financially afford to redecorate, we should do so for the sake of our mental health. Now that we’re home and cannot go out to places we love, do the activities we love, with the people we love, it is now time to rethink our home decor. To re-tool our homes for our peace during the pandemic. Because what brings us peace has changed hasn’t it?

Clutter adds a different type of stress, so the directive isn’t to just go out and buy a bunch of things to bring your favorite places from the outside to the inside, though that is an option. The point is, the role our homes play in our life is, for the moment, changed, so we must be creative in effort to bring the peace the outside world gives us into our homes. Basically, setting our homes up for success to, once again, be our place of peace. We don’t have to think so literally about this either, because sometimes it isn’t the place as much as it is the “vibe” of the place. We just have to take a real good look at how we lived our lives before this, to better understand what we’re missing about life before social distancing, and come up with a creative solution for what we miss the most about the outside world. If what we miss is eating lunch with coworkers, we should be setting up virtual lunch session so we can still chat or gossip with “the crew”. And for the record, every High School should be planning a virtual Prom Night, if they’re not already. This pandemic could start a host of new trends and become a cultural phenomenon of its own; a cultural phenomenon that we could use to unite us in a way that we never thought possible because we didn’t appreciate each other until we lost each other.